Whether you like it or not, It’s still a baby

Whoever among the above mentioned wives or ladies encounter such problems doenst have the right to terminate the fetus inside her. God destined it to be, if the child inside her turns out to be sick or the mother will have problems, GOD has planned for it. Maybe all these is a test, a test of faith, hope or miracles.

Let it be an opportunity for change of heart and mind. Trusting in the One who made it all.

abortion? it depends….

I dont agree with Inday’s option of aborting the baby. I know its easy for me to say this because I am not in her shoes, but killing an unborn child because it will make life more difficult for her is simply wrong for me. Adoption is always an option. That’s the best advice I can give her. If she’s not willing to raise the child then give it to someone else who would be willing to raise it like their own. Perhaps, giving that child the best chance of having a normal healthy life. & next time, please, if she can’t say no to her husband, or if they both cannot control their sexual urges, then go to the nearest barangay health center & ask for a suitable contraceptive (be it condoms, ligation, vasectomy, pills, etc). I’d rather have her use a contraceptive than go to an abortionist.

In Beverly’s case, I wouldn’t know what advice to give her. If I am the mother, I would of course choose the life of the baby. But its not my sole decision to make. I have to consider my husband as well. Would he rather have a family without a mother or a family without a child? Knowing my husband, he’d probably (hopefully – hahahaha) choose me. In this case, then abortion would be the best way to go. & no, I don’t think its wrong in this case. Another thing, we could always adopt.

If I were in Mylene’s case, I wouldn’t know what to do. This would entail endless soul searching. I’ll think about it more… along with a serious discussion with the hubby.

For Kimberly’s case, I would also suggest that she opt for adoption. But, I wouldn’t blame her if she chooses to abort the baby. She is so young. & something this tragic (rape) would probably scar her for the rest of her life. Taking care of a baby will definitely not help. Unless she’s mature enough to accept the responsibilities… Oh by the way, I would definitely go to one of those vigilante group & have Tomas killed…

Experience is the Best Teacher… not at all times…

Dialog naming magkapatid nung high school pa lang ako (at grade school pa lang sya)

me: paano mo malalaman na mali kung d mo mararanasan

sis: e pano kung alam mo na ngang mali… gagawin mo pa din?

me: depende kung walang masasagasaang ibang tao…

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Ganun ako… minsan kahit alam kong mali, ginagawa ko… AS LONG AS… wala akong nasasagasaang (nasasaktang) ibang tao…

may mga bagay bagay na ginagawa ng tao ang alam naman nilang masama pero sige pa din… halimbawa…

- smoking: bad for the health pero minsan sa iba nakaka relax ito… been there done that…

- drinking: bad for the health pero ewan ko ba kung anong kaligayahan naidudulot nito sa mga lasenggo… been there… occasionally…

- sex before marriage: bad pero masarap habang ginagawa… pag may nabuo pa… problema sa umpisa… pero hindi ibig sabihin nito e hindi dapat ipag patuloy ang pagbubuntis…

abortion is not a solution… ONLY IF siguro risky for both mom and the baby… like ectopic pregnancy… ibang usapan na yun… pero kung dahil lang sa sakim na rason kaya ito gagawin… it’s a no-no! Wether madami ka ng anak at d mo na kayang pangalagaan lahat o sabihing hindi ka handa… panindigan mo… ginawa mo e…

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me: sa ano mang bagay na gagawin mo, masama o mabuti… isipin mo lagi na kung ang gagawin mo ba e makakasakit ng ibang tao (physically, emotionally…) at higit sa lahat… panindigan mo ang consequences and wag pagsisisihan kasi ikaw mismo ang nagdesisyon gawin yun… (kung pinilit ka… bakit ka nagpa pilit…) Learn from the experience…

The Terminator…

I can relate to Mylene’s story. Not because I am 40 years old but because in my country of residence now, they do allow abortion if you find out that the baby that you are carrying has down syndrome.

When I first visited my OB, she asked me if I wanted to take the Amniocentesis test. It is a test in which they take sample of the amniotic fluid to screen the baby for abnormalities. She sent me and hubby for counselling. The counsellor briefed us with the procedure.(They will insert a needle in my abdomen to get some fluid.)

I understood the procedure clearly. What I don’t understand is why do they recommend this test. Study shows that if you take this test there is about 1 in 200 that it will cause a miscarriage. (What if I am the 1 in that 200???)

So I asked them if I take this test, what’s next? Up to now, I can still repeat their answer in their exact words. “If your baby has down syndrome, we can give the baby some special care or you can TERMINATE the pregancy if you want to.” I was like in shock for about 30sec or so. Terminate? What a term. I felt like it was an employee in a big company who can not meet the deadlines. TERMINATE. I wanted to tell her that hey miss, this is my first pregnancy. We are so happy and excited, and you are here telling me I can terminate it if you and your stupid test thinks that he has down syndrome? Right there and then, we told her that we are not taking the test. She was surprised and even asked us if we were sure on that. MY goodness!!! I wanted to strangle her and tell her ooops sorry during my mom’s time they don’t have a test for someone like me who have the kill-the-nonsense-bitch syndrome!

Good thing, me and hubby have the same belief that if God will bless us with a special child it is because he believes that we can take care of that child. Actually, before entering the counsellor’s room, we already made a decision that we are not going to take the test. We agreed that we will accept any child that God will entrust us. I am not a hypocrite to say that I will not be hurt and disappointed if I was given a special child. But I believe that if God will give me a special child, it is because He knows that I can accept it and love it as I love our little meg.

With this experience, I know abortion for us will never be an option.

[FAMILY BUILDING MONTH: ON ADOPTION]

Syempre parte na ng pag-aasawa ang mapag usapan kung ilang anak ang gusto ng couple… pero napag-usapan nyo din ba ang possibility na mag ampon just in case? I know of a couple, they have their own kid pero after giving birth, parang gusto daw nya mag ampon na lang sa susunod. After a few years, they are still decided, it seems that hindi lang dahil sa painful na panganganak… parang sort of makatulong na din. Maraming bata nga naman ang inabanduna na pwedeng bigyan ng pagmamahal ng isang magulang.

Kayo, pano nyo napag-usapang mag-asawa ang tungkol sa bagay na ito and anong views ninyong dalawa?

The Drama of Adoption

One day, in the house of a middle income family, the husband and wife are talking to their teenage daughter.

Father: Anak, there is something your Mother and I would like to tell you.
Mother: My dear, remember that nothing will change after this. We just want you to know the truth… (then she starts to sob)
Father: We don’t want to hid anything from you that’s why we’re telling you this. But always remember, we love you.
Mother: (still sobbing) Many years ago, the doctor told us that we won’t be successful in having a biological child. I agonized over that cause I’ve always wanted to have my baby… but a few years later, a woman knocked on our door and left a beautiful baby on our doorstep. That baby is you…
Daughter: What do you mean?
Father: Anak, we adopted you. We are not your biological parents…
Daughter: But how could that be? I look exactly like Mom? Tell me this isn’t true…(lips start to quiver)
Mother: (crying now and not just sobbing).. It’s true, iha. Ika’y aming inampon.
Daughter: Hindi totoo yan, hindi totoo yan. Hindi ako ampon, hindi ako ampon! Noooooo!!!!! (daughters runs away and leaves the room)
*****
Well that’s the normal melodramatic scene we would watch in our local teleseryes. It’s like being adopted has a stigma on one’s personality. Well some would probably have that reaction. But in reality more people treat adoption as part of normal life.

My former boss doesn’t hide the fact that her daughter is adopted. Her daughter is actually proud and happy that she is adopted. She grew up in a nice and loving home. She is now a doctor and she says she wouldn’t have become a doctor had her parents not adopted her. But she was never made to feel that she was not their daughter. And they were her parents.

We haven’t discussed the issue of adoption. But I think, not all people are for adoption. It takes a certain kind of person to be able to take someone else’s child and rear them as your own. It take a lot of God’s grace to be able to care for some who is not related to you by blood. In the same manner that not all people are meant to be parents. And not all people are meant for marriage.

If we are posed with the situation where a baby is presented to us for us to adopt, without us meaning to seek that baby… I’ll look at it as God’s way of telling us, you need to take care of this angel of mine. I have chosen you to be the guide for this baby. You may not have borne this child, but I want you to care for him/her.

I guess, if we were to adopt, I’ll see the baby as God’s gift, too, but in a different package. All babies are gifts. I just pray that if that happens to us, God will give us the grace to carry it through… and that He may guide us to raise this child according to His will. And no need for melodramatic scenes…

Love is meant to be shared

J and I have often talked about having kids and having them soon. But I guess, God has better plans for us and is making us wait.

In this early stage of our married life, we have not seriously discussed adoption. But I know in my heart that I would seriously consider adoption, even if I have my own child, as long as I know that I am emotionally and financially ready for it.

I grew up with an odd family. Odd because it is not just me, my sister and brother and my mom and dad. We also have as part of our family, my yaya, my yaya’s daughter and my yaya’s sister. In fact, we have a family picture with all of us, including J in my mom’s sala. We have not legally adopted my yaya’s daughter, but she is treated as if she is the youngest sibling and she goes with us in any family event.

Anyway, I also grew up with my mom borrowing kids from our neighbors. The kids would often times stay at our house because their real mothers had to go to work and they had no one to look after them. And sometimes, my mom would take care of them simply because they are not being treated correctly by people in their own houses. Hugs and kisses are abundant in the house. That’s the way my mom has brought us up.

I grew up with a friend who was adopted and is not ashamed of telling people why she does not look like her Ate. Her sisters would often times tell us stories of when they were growing up. And that sometimes their antics would crack you up. They are real sisters even if they didn’t reside in the same womb.

I learned that one of our cousins was adopted, but that didn’t make us treat her differently. She was still the baby of the family and she always will be. She came to her parent’s lives and just made everything so pleasant.

I digress.

I know that there are a lot of kids out there who needs the love and care of REAL parents. If ever I would adopt, I would take into my care a little baby and ensure that my kid knows that s/he is adopted but that doesn’t mean anything. Those are just words. S/he may not have come from my own womb, but s/he came from my heart. I CHOSE to be her/his parent.

I know that this is too easy for me to say that is because I have great examples in my life wherein adoption really works. God may not grant our wish to be parents biologically, but we can always choose to be parents. And that makes it all the more special.

Adoption as an option

Even before hubby and I got married, we already knew that it would be hard for me to bear a child. So, we talked about our options. Syempre, di naiwasang mag-come up yung topic about adoption.

Both of us are open to the idea of adopting a child. If God wills na di kami magkaron ng mga supling, we’re very much willing to adopt. May mga nagsasabi pa nga na sometimes kailangan mag-adopt muna para ma-preggy. Di ko alam kung ano yung connection pero that’s what they say.

If ever we adopt, gusto namin yung baby pa lang talaga. That’s what we want para sa amin talaga sya mag-gro-grow up. We’ll treat the child as if he’s our own. For us kasi, a child is a blessing from God… whether ours or a stranger’s. And in case, after we adopt, we are blessed with a child of our own, we’ll treat them fairly. We know it will be hard but God will help us.

Though ngayon, wala na sa isip namin ang mag-adopt. God has blessed us with a child. But we’ll never know… malay natin… in time.

Alien in the house

Based on experiences from friends and classmates, I prefer not to have another sibling from another blood. Not that I am against it, I just wanted to have my own child from my own blood. If I will not be blessed with my own, I’d rather not have one from another. Having an adopted child will create a conflict between the original child and the adopted one. T’he later will be the one odd out. so para wala na lang gulo, wag na lang.

I may sound selfish, I know, but if it will be the cause of the break-up of the family, wag na lang. Even if we will keep it confidential, it will soon be known by the child and later on, be teased about being “ampon”, which will be hurtful once the child starts to accuse you of not telling him/her.

I feel that even if the child is reared in fairly manner, once she finds out, the attitude will soon changed. He/She will forever be feeling the alien in the house even if she is not meant to be.

So for me, I’d rather not have an adopted child.

on adopting

I dont think hubby & I ever talked about this.
So I will give my personal insights on this matter.
I am ok on adopting a stranger’s baby if I were not able to bear a child. I don’t see it as helping the child, but I see it as completing me. I will be grateful to the child for accepting me as his/ her mother rather than the child being grateful to me.
I am not ok for adopting a stranger’s child now because I have my own kids. I don’t think I can treat that child fairly compared to my own kids. There will always be that special treatment to my own kids. It wouldn’t be fair.
Now, if my kids are older & they have their own lives (families) & we can still take care of kid/s then why not? We would definitely consider that option.
I am ok for adopting a relative’s child now. In fact, I have my husband’s blessings that I can adopt my nieces (my brother’s daughters) if the need arises.
I am not ok on adopting a child of my husband (if ever he decides to water somebody else’s bushes). In fact, I’d probably will not accept that child. Makitid talaga ang utak ko pag dating sa infidelity…